How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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