My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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