So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
