he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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