Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
