She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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