Dude my mom stole all your condoms
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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