i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
