I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
