how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
