your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
