Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
soo... how was my night?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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