Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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