Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize