he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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