Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
