Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
