I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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