I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
