I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
