So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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