Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
