he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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