Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
