end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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