Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
