There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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