I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
