I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
