and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Come share oat with me in your robe
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
