Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
