I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
