he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
