so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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