I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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