I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
