Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
