i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
