chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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