But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
