Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Farmville is her only friend.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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