How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
