I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
