I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
