tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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