bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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