It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
