Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
