his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
