You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
