It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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