Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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