I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
