she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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