Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
