And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
