Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
