OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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