there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
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