Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
