Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
