Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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