my phone needs a breathalizer
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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