if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
