..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
