i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
