At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
