It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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