And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
