Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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