I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I will be naked everywhere
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
