I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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