Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
