My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
