A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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