I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
