Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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