"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
