Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
