i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
