We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
