He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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