I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Operation Purity has been aborted
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
