my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
