i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
