Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize