I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
