I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
