So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
