but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
