i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
