batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
