obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
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