I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
