hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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