Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize