Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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