i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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