I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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