I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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